Wednesday, January 30, 2013

By Your Side

Not gonna lie, I’ve struggled lately.  With a lot of things.  I feel like there are so many people I know right now that are having miscarriages.  People struggling to get pregnant.  People that have climbed the miscarriage and infertility wall only to be met with the wall of having a child born with special needs.  Or something worse (this is just worse in my opinion, may not be in someone else’s), experiencing the death of a child.

Justin and I have talked about when the best time to have baby #2 is, but to be honest, I’m scared to death.  I feel like every time I turn around, I’m hearing about another situation as listed above.  I’m scared that because we were so incredibly blessed with number 1 that we could never be lucky enough to be blessed with two healthy pregnancies and babies.  But even if I put those fears aside, I struggle with what to say to friends when something like this happens to them.  What do you say to a friend who has had multiple miscarriages when they miscarry again?  What do you say when your family member struggles with infertility?  What is the best way to respond to this?  I feel like I’ve used the “I’m so sorry.  God has a plan” bit over and over.  I imagine it gets old after a while. 

As I was at my desk working, I was listening to my Pandora station (which happens to be set to my all time FAVORITE band, Casting Crowns).  Then the Tenth Avenue North song “By Your Side” pooped up and I realized….THIS is what I should be telling people.  I should just refer them to this song.  This song isn’t new, in fact, it’s several years old.  I’ve heard it numerous times before.  But I guess it just registered that it could apply to any of the above situations.  Above all, it’s important for people that have experienced such losses to know that God is there.  He’s holding their hand.  And He NEVER leaves.


Joy said...

Thank you for that Marcie!! We've put our trust in Him for our future, and know that when the time is right, He will bless us with the gift of life!

Allison said...

This song is wonderful! It has such an amazing message that we all need to remember in times of trouble and in joy. God is ALWAYS there!
I just wanted to say that having two beautiful, healthy babies is totally possible. Look at us! God has blessed me with 2 fairly easy pregnancies and 2 beautiful and very healthy little girls. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for my girls when I read about and hear about other couples who are struggling to have babies of their own. I don't know why having babies has to be so challenging for some, but God has a plan for their life and family.
God is always there! His timing is perfect! His plan is perfect!

Jenny Strickland said...

Just being there for someone who has gone through this (I can only speak for the miscarriages) is the best! Just by letting them know you are there for anything! That helps more then you know! In my experience, just knowing that someone was there made such a difference! Even if they didn't know the right words to say!

Thank you for posting! I've heard this song before but have never really just "listened" to it!

Chelley N said...

It is so hard to know that "bad" things seriously happen ALL the time. After two healthy pregnancies, I never thought I would belong in the loss club. But I am, and I am surviving. I never thought I'd be strong enough to do this, but I am.

As one who has struggled with infertility for years - and now has experienced miscarriage - I most appreciate when people tell me they are thinking of me and praying for me and leave it at that. Sometimes, just someone sitting with me or a hug with no words is very comforting. I DO NOT find it comforting when people talk and talk just because they think they need to say something. One of my closest friends' daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks this past May. I had no idea what to say or do, so I would just go to her house and sit with her. We sometimes didn't talk . . . just watch TV or whatever . . . but I was just there. She has told me since that there was nothing better than that at the time. Just be there.

Thanks for being so honest on here.