Reflection

I’m writing this post in reflection of the past year.  It was a year ago today, April 16th, that I found out that I was pregnant with Carter.  I already went back and read the post of how I found out (see here and see here for where I announced it on the blog).  I loved reliving those emotions and remembering how excited yet scared out of my mind I was.  I remember Justin’s reaction, which was rather hysterical.  I remember that April 16th was also the day that we purchased our lot at James Hill to start building the home we live in now.  The home we brought Carter to when we left the hospital.  I remember how thankful I was and how much I prayed thanking God for this blessing and hoping for a healthy baby.  I started immediately going out of my mind trying to figure out when my first doctor’s appointment would be, when we’d make it public, who we would tell first, how we would tell our families, if it was a boy or girl, what the name would be if it was a boy or girl, etc.  My mind was in overdrive.  We were entering a new stage of our lives.  We were preparing to become a family of three.
The pregnancy had its ups and downs, but overall I had a great pregnancy.  I remember seeing that first picture of him on the ultrasound (of course we didn’t know it was a “him” yet).  Most everyone by now knows that I knew Carter was a boy all along.  This is partly due to the motherly instinct, but mainly it’s due to my faith.  I’ve never mentioned this before, but I want to share it now so that I’ll never forget it.  Our first ultrasound was on May 20th.  I was already beginning planning for a nursery and couldn’t stop thinking about whether it was a girl or a boy.  Justin and I wanted a boy so badly, but we obviously were going to be appreciative of whichever sex God gave us.  On my work email, I get a daily Bible verse in the mornings.  On May 19th, the day before the ultrasound, as I was constantly wondering if we’d have a boy or girl, I got this email:
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” - Isaiah 9:6.
No, I don’t think my son is a God or the Everlasting Father or Prince of Peace.  My main focus was on the first part.  “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given”.  After that, I just knew that we were having a boy.  Can’t really explain it, but I think God was telling me to chillax and that he was providing us with what we wanted.
I remember finding out it was a boy and I am one of the lucky few that was able to get that moment on video (excuse the 13 minute long video…you can fast forward to 5:40 which is where I cut into the cake and find out that Carter was a boy):

I remember telling Justin’s dad, Gordon, that Carter’s middle name would be Gordon.  He cried and hugged me.  I’m so upset we didn’t get that part on video.
I remember the end of the pregnancy, feeling absolutely miserable to the point of tears as I got closer and closer to my due date and Carter didn’t show any sign of making an entrance.  I remember how devastated I was when I wasn’t holding him in my arms on Christmas Day like I wanted to. 
But I also remember my last doctor’s appointment the morning of December 27th, my actual due date, and my doctor telling me that I would be admitted that night and induced.  I remember the joy I felt to know that our son would be here in less than 48 hours.
I remember the night I got induced.  I remember the next morning when all of our family showed up to watch Carter enter the world.  I remember the very easy labor, but very painful delivery.  And I remember his first cry.  The moment when I knew he was ok and that I had given birth to a son.  Nothing else mattered.  My drastic drop in blood pressure, the fact that I was freezing and shaking uncontrollably from the epidural and the massive amounts of blood I supposedly lost.  None of it mattered.  All that mattered was that cry.
I remember our nurse giving him to me with his hand reached out touching my face and his eyes WIDE open looking at me and at that exact moment, he stopped crying.

Carter,
You are such a joy to mommy and daddy.  Your smile lights up a room and your precious laugh brings me to tears.  I can’t believe we created something so beautiful and perfect.  God chose us to be your parents and I only hope I can raise you to glorify God the way we did that day.  You will never know the depth of my love for you.  I would die for you my son.  I can’t wait to see the person you will turn into.
With more love than you’ll ever know,
Mom
My life didn’t change on December 28, 2011.  It changed on April 16, 2011.