The Cat’s Out of the Bag

The official email went out to our firm last week so I feel comfortable making it public now.  I have turned in a notice at my job and plan to become a stay-at-home mom!  This wasn’t a two weeks notice like most jobs though.  I plan to work through the end of the year (December) to get all my projects wrapped up and help plan engagements for busy season next year.  I wasn’t about to give a typical “two weeks notice” in December right before busy season.  I like my employer too much and felt they deserved more than that.  So I gave them about 7 months notice (told them back in May) to give them plenty of time to find someone else.  This decision didn’t come lightly.  Several things had to happen to put the plan in place, but I won’t talk about those on the blog.  Also, we are doing it sooner than expected.  Justin and I always planned for me to begin staying at home once I had our second child.  And no, I’m not pregnant.  Also this will not “speed up” becoming pregnant with #2 either.  I have told Justin that I really want to enjoy being at home with Carter for a bit first before throwing another life change into the arena and he agrees.

I can’t tell how I feel about it yet.  See, I love my job and I love my employer.  I have only worked as a CPA at two places.  The first was in Nashville, TN right after I graduated from grad school.  I lived there for two years and moved back to Birmingham when Justin and I began seriously dating and knew we would get married one day.  That’s when I started working at my current firm.  I can’t say enough good things about this firm and about the amazing people I get to see everyday.  Yes, the hours are long and the job itself can be stressful and extremely frustrating.  But we have a very Christian and family friendly firm.  I could spit out all the perks of my job but I won’t bore you with those.  What’s important is that some of the people that know me best work with me.  People I have only known for 5 years.  And they are some of my favorite people and best friends. 

I am excited to be able to see my son everyday and also excited that I won’t be burdening my mother-in-law that keeps him everyday while I’m at work.  Of course she doesn’t see it as a burden in the least.  She loves Carter and loves taking care of him and seeing him as much as she does.  Regardless, I know what it’s like to have to spend 100% of your time watching a child and I am excited that she’ll have her life back and can go back to doing things she used to do before being a full-time non-paid nanny.

But then there’s that part of me that is scared to be a SAHM.  I have worked since I was 15 years old.  There’s never been a time when I was unemployed since then.  Seriously.  I’m not saying keeping up with a 2 year old won’t be “work”, but I do worry that I will become bored with this new life.  Staying at home with Carter and cleaning the house will be my new job.  That’s it.  I won’t get to see my sweet friends at work on a daily basis anymore.  I’ll barely have adult conversations.  Keep in mind that it’s not like I will have a husband to talk to at 5pm everyday when he gets home from work.  Justin travels about 30-35 weeks a year.  So it’s just me and Carter….24 hours a day….all week. 

However, all this aside, I am still excited about it.  Carter is at such a fun age right now and I love playing with him.  Whether we’re outside blowing bubbles, going to the zoo or McWane Center or going on golf cart rides.  I am excited to see him daily and for him to know that he is my number 1 priority (well, behind God and his daddy of course).  Carter knows what “work” means.  Justin has gone to get him from his crib in the mornings when I’ve already left for work and he says “mommy work”.  Something about that just breaks my heart.  I just haven’t been able to give him enough of my time.  He needs me and my one-on-one time more than my job is able to allow me to give him so a decision had to be made. 

There is a never ending debate on which is harder…a stay at home mom or a working mom.  Now granted, I haven’t technically stayed at home yet, but here’s my take on this vast debate.  It depends.  It depends on the mom.  The child. The mom’s personality.  Lots of things.  I could argue being a stay at home mom of twins is hand down harder than being a working mom of only one child.  But what about a working mom of only one child whose daddy is always out of town and she plays the role of single working mom?  Or what about the working mom with no family in town that has zero help?  Not to mention the difficulty of being the working or stay-at-home mom of a special needs child.  There’s also different definitions of “working” because jobs vary.  Some people have to answer to bosses that don’t care if your kid is at home sick and you need time off, there’s a deadline and they expect you to meet it.  Others work out of their home and are their own boss, so they are home more often.  Comparisons could go on forever.  I truly believe that there is no “harder”, just different scenarios.  For me, it will be a huge adjustment because of the things I mentioned above.  It will take some time for me to get used to this new role, but I will eventually get the hang of it.  Justin and I are so blessed to have both of our families in town that can babysit for whatever reason we need them to, so I know I’ll have help if I get to a breaking point and need some “me” time.

Anyway, this way too long post was all to say that beginning late December, I will be staying at home with Carter.  Not sure what that will do to my blogging.  I typically blog when I have downtime at work or during lunch.  I’m sure it will decrease the blogging a little bit, but I guess we’ll just see!